Guess who wins your target
by Ififall
Summary: Bill who used to be Jill is back in town and has an offer for Charlie that he can't refuse.


After Bill's break up with his mother, Charlie wasn't surprised when Bill's visits turned into phone calls and emails. Evelyn usually did surprise visits and Bill like Charile and Alan didn't want to be on the receiving end of those. Charlie knew that Evelyn was still bitter about it, and it raised her own insecurities about her and age and her looks and made her even more determined to find someone better, someone that she called a "real man" As Charlie thought about his mother's change in behaviour, he realised in embarrased shock that he and his mother had both been dumped by the same person, but his mother fought back like she usually did in every situation, whereas Charlie, as much as he hated to admit it became a broken man until the next pretty waitress came along. But seeing Jill as Bill made Charlie a little flattered that out of all the guys Bill could have picked to see, he chose Charlie, and as an ego boost alone Charlie kept his number. While testing out a few tunes on the piano one day Charlie was surprised to see Bill calling him. He stayed silent on the end of the line.

"Charlie?"

"Hey Bill" Said Charlie.

"Is it a bad time?"

"She's not here, fire away"

"Look, I'm not doing anything tonight and I thought..." Bill began.

"Bill I know that inside, you're still Jill and it's ok to admit you still want me"

"The day I admit that is the day I take your mom back" Bill teased.

"You don't have to admit that, just take her"

"So what do you say Charlie, guy night out just you and me" Charlie didn't have a better offer that night, but pretended that he could have and said he'd get back to him. After the phone call, Alan came in with Jake. Jake went straight to his room and Alan was having trouble carrying groceries but didn't bother to help him. He was thinking. He looked over at his brother who shook his head in disbelief.

"If I was an attractive woman, you'd break your neck running over here"

"Well you're not, so hurry up with the ice cream" Alan did as he was told and asked Charlie what he was doing tonight.

"Dunno, I've had offers, so make it good"

"Well I was thinking about washing the bathroom and later on you could do the car, I mean I brought those really cheap but thick sponges at a discount and when you're done I want you're honest opinion...you know, if they're duds" Alan pointed out.

"Well if they're owned by one I guess they could be...anyway I can't"

"Got a date?" Alan asked.

"Hopefully something a lot cheaper" Charlie went upstairs and called Bill to take him up on his offer and they agreed to meet at a bar. Charlie walked in and glanced over at the counter to see Bill, who looked over and met him with a wave. Charlie nodded back and walked over.

"Why did you change your mind?" Bill asked him.

"No harm in seeing an old friend is there?" Bill nodded, knowing that Charlie didn't really have anything else to do. They ordered their drinks and sat down at a table. Charlie noticed a good looking woman with her friends and decided he'd have to make an excuse to get another drink but not yet.

"Charlie if you wanna call it a night already..." Said Bill noticing his glances.

"No, Jill, sorry Bill, I'm fine, so, how's everything going?"

"Good, how's your mom?"

"Well after you dumped her, better than ever"

"I deserved that, but people change" Said Bill.

"Tell me about it"

"We stopped clicking"

"That's not all you stopped doing, by the sound of it, but you catching other fish in the sea?"

"I dunno if I'm really to dip in my bait" Bill said nervously.

"I'll show you, watch and learn" Charlie said, lifting up his drink and walking over to where the women he liked were sitting and started to make conversation, but they were younger and more self-centred than he was and thought they deserved better. Bill could see that the minute Charlie walked over and enjoyed watching him crash and burn. Charlie got a couple more drinks and when Bill realised that Charlie was gonna have both of those to drown his sorrows he went to the bar to get his own drink. He nodded at the girls and they immediately showed him attention much to Charlie's shock. He walked over and had casual conversation with the women giving them a kind smile with a few open questions until he proved to himself and Charlie that he still had it, and walked back to the table.

"Seems like I had better luck" Said Bill.

"Well if anyone knows how they think..."

"Charlie"

"Sorry" Said Charlie.

"It's ok, you've been worse, like the time that surfer dude came on to me at the beach cafe"

"He's lucky I didn't hit him, he was all over you like an itchy rash"

"If anyone knows about rashes..." Said Bill. They talked about the past and Charlie got so comfortable with him, that he ended up inviting Bill home for a few drinks. Luckily Alan and Jake were in their rooms so Charlie didn't have to explain anything. Bill had a lemonde while Charlie stuck to beer. Even though Charlie hadn't been a hit with the ladies and was outdone by a guy that used to be one, he'd had a good night. Bill was like another version of Jill, that had more chest hair and no chance of having kids and in Charlie's book, that was always good. After talking for a while Bill said he'd have to make a move but Charlie quietly said he didn't have to.

"Charlie are you drunk?" Bill said.

"I'm just being friendly" Charlie said, knowing that despite all the beer, he actually had a clear head.

"What's the catch?" Bill asked him.

"Billy...I'm a man of honesty and integrity" Charlie began."But Bill will you stay the night?"


End file.
